It is with great regret that this column makes an announcement which will resonate throughout the sporting world: the second

It is with great regret that this column makes an announcement which will resonate throughout the sporting world: the second annual Independent award for services to hair in football has been cancelled for fear of terminally affecting the career of the prize-winner. This is a shame, as the competition was hotting up nicely. Last year's winners Newcastle faded early, leaving the field open. In a metaphor for their fortunes in the League, it was Kevin Keegan's activities in the transfer market that scuppered his team's chances.

Over the year he bought Ferdinand, Hislop, Batty, Barton, Asprilla and Ginola; not a decent hair gag among them. Worse, at the same time, he sold his tonsorial linchpin, Barry Venison, the only man capable of wearing three haircuts simultaneously while still playing football. Peter "just like me Mam used to do it, please Mr Barber" Beardsley and Pavel Srnicek with his Help-era Beatles mop could not carry the Geordie torch alone. Several of the new imports burst on to the scene with the potential to take the prize from the Magpies. Ruud Gullit brought his Cleopatra thatch to Stamford Bridge, but was so elegant, commanding and majestic, few noticed his hair.

Regi Blinker brought his Ruud-alike dreads to Hillsborough and was so ineffective, pointless and forgettable, his hair was all anyone noticed.But it transpired that these boys were never serious threats to the local talent. And the competition was particularly sharp in the early weeks of the season. Robbie Fowler returned from holiday looking like someone had dropped a pot of Dulux on his head; as, bizarrely, did Steve Stone, who reappeared from the beaches with what little hair he had toned a virulent shade of daffodil. Meanwhile David James had gone purple and Roy Keane wore a number one crop that made him look more like Damien from The Omen than ever.All eyes, however, turned to the City Ground. With Stan Collymore transferred, the opportunity opened up for Jason Lee, with his Carmen Miranda memorial fruit bowl on the head, to make his mark Uncharacteristically, he took his chance.