It was supposed to come on a bed of apples or something she slurred but this Calvados sauce is just

"It was supposed to come on a bed of apples or something," she slurred, "but this Calvados sauce is just like gravy - with a couple of bits of apples on the side.""More like a futon of apples," snickered Tracey. I assured them I wouldn't dream of such a thing.When our main courses arrived we agreed that Tracey had done best on the ordering again, with her sauteed sea bass, though Sharon's honey-glazed Norfolk duckling on a confit of roasted apples and shallots and Calvados sauce came with the most things. At this point my friends became self-conscious about being "dining companions", worrying that I might gain amusement at their expense, perhaps inserting spiteful verbs to make them seem bimbos, drunks, bitch queens or metropolitan snobs. There was a scare when we noticed the salad wasn't dressed properly - some of the leaves were practically stark naked - but a species of "mushroom slime" was discovered below, which made a much more delicious arrangement.

"The thing about mushrooms is that often the taste gets drowned in a garlicky sauce but this is just essence of mushroom. Mmm."My tomato soup with basil was fresh-tasting and lovely, but Sharon was reserved about her salmon and smoked trout mousse - "nice, but not as nice as Marks and Spencer's" - and considered the lime and parsley dressing "a bit bland". They taste very rangy, I mean gamey," said Tracey of her warm salad of forest mushrooms. Eventually we were led into a candlelit dining room which, with its plain walls and pale wooden floor, was atmospheric and historic-seeming - just a hint of monastery - without being fussy. We had chosen from the Lamb's three-course dinner menu at pounds 23, offering four choices for starter and main course and a half a dozen for pudding. No sooner had we settled when "chef" finally gave birth, as it were, and our starters arrived simultaneously, borne by two ladies looking, in their long white flouncy aprons, like Victorian midwives."Mmm they're good.

A tense lady in purple who took our order kept reassuring as that we could go through as soon as "chef" was ready, which made us giggly wondering what "chef" was going to appear dressed up as. It was probably no bad thing - preventing us applying even more make-up - but it did seem odd, having rushed, then to be kept waiting for a full half-hour in the drinks lounge. With its inglenook fireplaces, low ceilings and pretty walled garden it is cosy in winter and cool and pleasant in summer. My friends Sharon and Tracey and I were running 15 minutes late for our dinner reservation, what with having our toenails to paint and everything, but we were a little surprised - when we rang to apologise - to be told really quite strictly to come as quickly as possible.