No man when the strokes start to be played we fly past 'em

"No, man, when the strokes start to be played, we fly past 'em." A fan waved a newspaper featuring the headline "Lara will provide the key".But Lara was low-key. His entry was greeted with quiet respect from the fans: they realised how important he would be in chasing the enormous total. "Ambo! What's with the full toss, man? Timber! Timber, man!" Mark Ramprakash had the temerity to swipe Ian Bishop for six The advice was immediate: "Bounce 'im, man. ." Excuse us, but which part of the Caribbean are you from? "California."The banter was non-stop, especially when the West Indies pace bowlers were getting some stick.

The chap next to us reeled off a non-stop commentary: "Short outside the off-stump Hmm, full toss I've never seen an outfield this fast If they set 250, that'll be a good target. We settled down with a group in the Gover Stand at the Vauxhall End, and it became clear that we had picked an influential bunch. Soon after the start of the England innings Shivnarine Chanderpaul took a few moments off from twelfth-man duty and clambered up into the stand for a quick chat with his friends.A very knowledgeable crowd they were, too. But banners, flags and musical instruments were all but non-existent, which was a shame: we'd much rather listen to a blast on a conch shell than the inevitable dreary, beery renditions of "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot".Still, those West Indian fans who showed up were in good voice. In the 1960s, recently expatriated fans queued in their thousands for a chance to watch touring teams. But for last week's Texaco Trophy one-day international, West Indian support was sparse.

It may be the price of the tickets; it may be that it is more comfortable to watch the match on television; it may be that the sons and daughters of those 1960s fans do not find cricket a turn-on. Another factor may be the plummy recorded announcement that greets new arrivals at the ground: "Banners, flags, musical instruments and excessive amounts of alcohol may not be brought into the ground." The final prohibition seemed to us to be barely enforced: everywhere, sweating fans staggered down the aisles, their coolers heavy with beer. There was a time when The Oval was almost a home ground for the West Indies. "CHEESE and onion." "I'm sorry, sir?" "Cheese and onion, please." "Just couldn't catch it, sir?" "Cheese and onion." "Right sir Sorry sir. It's that steel band - they've turned me completely deaf." Thus did Surrey County Cricket Club import the exotic atmosphere of the Caribbean to London SE11 on Friday. The Lambeth Youth steel band bashed away mightily, to the pleasure of the passing crowd and the displeasure of marooned snack- vendors But Sabina Park it wasn't. The old farts affair had a funny side; this one doesn't - and there are probably many more like it.PAUL GASCOIGNE's decision to sign for Rangers - once an army of tax experts have sorted out the immense complications of his piggy bank - has brought a rash of puzzlement from observers about why he should forsake the pulsating heart of the English game for this northern wasteland.Apart from the fact that Rangers are probably the biggest club in British football, Gazza has obviously seen some aspect of Ibrox life that appeals to him.Perhaps, after his experiences in Italy, he feels he has less chance of being misunderstood in a stadium where at every match 1,200 spectators pay pounds 200 for the privilege of a champagne reception, a five-course meal with wine and liqueurs, executive box seats, unlimited half-time refreshment and as much as they can consume for an hour after the match.. "The introduction of NVQs in 1992 was an excellent initiative to educate coaches to agreed national standards but it has been allowed to stagnate in sport because our so-called leaders are a law unto themselves."I was intending to use her name and her circumstances but on Friday one of her friends telephoned me to say that if I did the governing body concerned would make her life even more intolerable than it is at the moment.

So far, their efforts to do so have been much less than satisfactory in this and other sports.Despite seeking legal advice, consulting her MP and continually pleading for progress, my caller has met not only a brick wall but has suffered considerably in business - she wants to train people to obtain NVQs - and enthusiasm "If only we had an independent body to appeal to," she says. Frustrated at the delay, they've written their own standards which have been informally approved but rejected by the governing body who are insisting on writing their own - and they won't do that until the National Coaching Foundation, a quango grant-aided by the Sports Council, provide some guidelines that are acceptable to the national body who approve NVQs. Otherwise, the only recourse is the courts and we have seen from the three exiled Welsh clubs fighting the Welsh FA for the right to play in their own country what a long and expensive process that can be.I had a call last week from a woman who said that unbiased arbitration might have saved her from years of a very costly and frustrating battle against a governing body in one of the martial arts which concerns the issuing of National Vocational Qualifications for sports coaching.For nearly three years she and a few others who are also experts in this sport have waited in vain for an official interpretation of the standards required so that they can help students obtain NVQs. What is necessary is an independent authority to which the excesses of this sporting power could be referred. Being a professional loser may not be an honourable calling, but it's a living.NO ONE wants to revive the fuss about old farts, especially now that they're all being chummy in South Africa, but the point made here two Sundays ago, that if Will Carling played in a sport with a lower profile he would still be an ex-captain has brought cries for help from people stranded in disputes with governing bodies.Public outcry forced the Rugby Football Union to backtrack on Carling but few who suffer harsh treatment from sport's leaders can call upon such support. And with only one winner a week out of a field of about 140, they are going to be plentiful.So I suggest they leave golf's under-achievers alone. Losing is part of the game and if you despise losers you despise the game.Unless, as I suspect, the leading golfers want tournaments played between the top 30 of them alone - what a comfort zone that would be - they have to accept that losers are an inevitable product of their sport.

If we, the nation that produced these games, had remained the dominant power we'd probably be playing on our own by now. No doubt England will continue to bless the world in this respect and blissful will be the team who come here to win the European Championship next year - just because it is England.It is the same with our rugby and cricket teams; the games are far stronger world-wide because of our ability to lose and to lose with style. English defeats by foreign teams have been cheering and encouraging the world for decades. Even though most developed countries have at least one victory over England to their credit, it is still a proud moment when they add another. The triumph of Ajax in the European Cup was more welcome because the approach of Milan did not deserve the success they were prepared to achieve even if they had to drag us into extra-time and penalties.Losses for these teams are rare, but even habitual losers in football have their part to play There is no better example than England, mother of the game. Everton's success in the FA Cup final was all the sweeter because Manchester United were their victims. Life depends on a ready supply of losers and where would sport be without them? Losers are almost as important as winners in the dramas of sport.