The stadium was magnificent he said and the changing-rooms so large he had got

The stadium was magnificent, he said, and the changing-rooms so large he had got lost looking for the loos."THERE is an animal magnetism about Mr Carling that's difficult to ignore." So says an article entitled "Hunks" in the South African Airways World Cup Guide. David Campese is listed as "numero uno babe", followed by Joost van der Westhuizen ("Those eyes, they cause your vocal cords to clam up") and in third place our own scourge of the old farts. There then follows a sequence of Frenchmen - Cabannes, Sadour-ny and Penaud (who isn't actually in the tournament) - and the Italian Diego Dominguez. Surprise inclusions are the Welshman Neil Jenkins and Peter Fatialofa, of Western Samoa.No piece of literature, though, is quite as ludicrous as the Canadian souvenir programme whose cover line reads: "Canada's rugby team wins the 1995 World Cup. When Michael Lynagh touched down in the first half, it meant that the full-back Jim Staples had cleaned up.When the Irish arrived for their first training session at Ellis Park later that day, Staples was still smiling.

A less recognised international triumph - at the Chelsea Flower Show - was additional cause for South African pride.AS the Irish team settled down at their team hotel to watch the opening game on television, nerves were jangling. Not because of the task that awaits them; it was the heavy wagering on the the first try-scorer that set pulses racing. The pubs, meanwhile, were filled with choruses of "Shosholoza", a black workers' song which, post-apartheid, has been adopted as a popular chant. Perhaps, though, there were earthier reasons for the unbridled joy.

In Johannesburg, horns began to blare, cars full of flag-wavers cruised the streets and those not in cars simply danced in front of the oncoming traffic. Parliament continued, though the education budget debate was interrupted with a question from the National Party's Derek Christophers: "Does the honourable member know that the score at Newlands is 12-9 in Australia's favour?" This drew an instant reply from the backbencher Kobus Bosman, who made "a point of order" that the score was, in fact, 14-13.Shortly after 5pm no one in the country could be in any doubt about the result. And so it was that Broon Frae Troon was in flagrant breach of television's colour code and appeared looking for all the world like a traffic light.AT 3.30pm last Thursday, South Africa came to a halt - almost. Instead, he was wearing a pair of old shorts but when he arrived at the ground he discovered to his consternation that he would be appearing in full vision and would have to find something more appropriate to wear. By a happy coincidence, Brown came upon a group of Scotsmen in the car park which included the head of the clan McNeill who had, equally fortuitously, brought with him a spare kilt - presumably for just the circumstances in which the hapless Brown now found himself.

Brown had been informed by his bosses at ITV that he would be appearing in vision from the waist up only and had therefore not bothered with the formality of trousers. WHEN Gordon Brown, that passionately devoted full-time Scotsman and part-time broadcaster, appeared in glorious Technicolor on the television screens from Rustenburg, resplendent in bright green jacket and even more garishly red kilt, it was not the tartan of the clan Broon. Tonga have declined to appeal.Australia (v Canada, 31 May, Port Elizabeth): M Burke; D Campese, J Little, T Horan, J Roff; M Lynagh (capt), P Slattery; T Daly, P Kearns, M Hartill, W Waugh, J Eales, W Ofahengaue, I Tabua, T Coker.World Cup diary, page 4. Hendriks powered past the embattled Australian wing David Campese, but said yesterday: "I did not put the ball down because I was looking to get closer to the posts to make the conversion easier."The Tongan forward Feleti Mahoni, who became the first player to be sent off at this World Cup, will see no further action after being suspended for six weeks.The 22-year-old, the fifth player to have been dismissed in a World Cup, earned his red card for stamping on the Frenchman, Philippe Benetton, in Friday's Pool D game.The incident was arguably crucial in the game's outcome - France, 9- 3 ahead at the time, went on to win 38-10.