We are supposed to stick rigidly to the script but as it was

We are supposed to stick rigidly to the script, but as it was written by Ivana and is full of strange Germanicisms - "So, you will see the advantages that with us placing the advertisement brings, no?" - it's not easy. I quickly realised that the person at the other end thought I was stark, staring bonkers, and began to adjust accordingly.The script also assumes that everything will go according to plan. Every day I am handed a list of names and numbers, and have to ring them all by 5pm. Working for her is like being back at school, with no breaks and no bunking off to the chip shop.I'm selling ad space for Fireman's Trousers (aimed at safety officers) and Muckspreader Monthly, a freesheet for the farming community. Euan refers to her as Goneril; Lucia and Daniel call her "The Scottish One", which I finally interpret as Lady Macbeth They all hate her, with a campy, admiring sort of loathing Me, I hate her in a deep, probably racist way.

Part three, in which the Temp enjoys her `big break' into magazine publishing TELEPHONE ADVERTISING sales being essentially a job in which you recite a script over and over, most of the people who are any good at it are out-of-work actors. Whenever Ivana, our mad German overseer, stops cracking the whip (barely metaphorical - she's been known to clout someone round the head with a rolled-up periodical), and stalks off to Martin's office, they all start gossiping and referring to Joan Plowright in those rather pitying tones as "Dear Dotty", and rolling their eyes a lot. "I was in an adaptation of Kafka at the Almeida," says Gary, whose lean, blue-eyed, black-haired, stubbled face is ill-suited to his drawn-out vowels, "And I swear one character was based on Ivana." As she looks nothing like a beetle, I assume he's talking about The Trial. For your copy of the guide, sponsored by First Active, call 0800 550551 or fill in the coupon on this page. An IFA will simply take a procurement fee from the lender, as well as commission on any insurance product sold. "It is a complex area, and a bit of a minefield when trying to analyse the different costings," says Mr Fisher.Bank of Scotland (0645 812812); UCB Homeloans (0645 401 400); The Mortgage Business (0345 253253); Berkeley Financial Planning: (0800 214074)`The Independent' is offering a free 36-page Guide to Flexible Mortgages, with tips on all aspects of home loans, including how much you can borrow, how to repay the mortgage and a list of useful names and telephone numbers.

This money would reduce the interest payable while it was in the mortgage account, while earning an effective tax-free rate of interest equal to the variable interest charged on the loan.Among the flexible loans on offer are three "bank account" mortgages, from Virgin One, First Active and Kleinwort Benson, which allow borrowers to pay in all their earnings and claim back overpayments as necessary. First Active also allows the option of simply treating the account as a pure loan, so that borrowers can use any other bank they prefer, to run their financial affairs.Using a mortgage broker or independent financial adviser will save you a lot of legwork, and usually cost you nothing. The bank would not need to carry out all the credit checks, as it would already know your history.Flexible mortgages that allow borrowers to overpay at some times and underpay at others could be particularly suitable for the self-employed. "Lenders are aware that people don't have jobs for life, so there are more flexible products on the market these days," says Pam O'Keeffe of the Building Societies Association.For example, using a flexible loan that allows mortgage borrowers to claim back part of their over-payments would allow self-employed people to pay in the money they would normally set aside for their tax demands.

Otherwise, credit checks are made.Mr Macaulay says that he does not understand reluctance to lend to the self-employed "The facts and figures are relevant only on that day. How many of our customers are still employed as they were 18 years ago?" he asks.Your own bank should be your first port of call. "If you're using a bank for business, then you've probably got more of a relationship with them than the average customer," says Mr Fisher. "Not everyone has fully audited accounts next to them." For those remortgaging or moving house, a reference could be obtained from a previous lender, he says. Regardless of the lenders' faith in your ability to repay the loan, they then have the reassurance that they would - unless house prices fall by more than 25 per cent - be able to recover their money by selling the house.This also cuts out the need for a costly mortgage indemnity guarantee, or MIG, which covers the lender against any shortfall if the property is repossessed.Choosing the right lender is a key issue. The Nationwide subsidiary UCB Homeloans, the Mortgage Business and Bank of Scotland are three lenders that specialise in self-certification mortgages.